Tuesday, May 8, 2012

American hotties vs hotties from the rest of the known world

Alright folks, so I decided that I’d start the blog up again, because apparently I’m so damn self assured that I think people care to hear what I have to say. That being said, I took a poll to decide what topic to tackle first. The result?  The difference between attractive women in the United States and attractive women in virtually every other country in the world. Now, for anyone who decides to read this and doesn’t really know me too well, I have a less than fantastic mouth, don’t hold back, and just say it as I see it. So if you can’t hang with that, no biggie, just don’t read. So without further a do (yes I know it’s “adieu” but fuck the French), let’s start the show, shall we?

Alright, so here’s the deal with hot girls in the US; THEY’RE FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!! It’s like this; in the beginning, everyone starts out equally, right? What I mean by that is, all babies are fuck ugly. I’m not sorry, that’s the way it is. All newborns look like aliens. ANYWAY, we all start out the same. But then somewhere along the way, the good looking ones of these girls take a look in the mirror, realize “Hey I’m hot, so fuck everything else in life. Who needs math skills when someone will pay me to take pictures of my face/tits/ass/whatever? I’ll just jump on the dick of the first rich dude I meet and be set for life.” And THIS is where we get the God-awful, dumb-as-shit, embarrassing-to-the-entire-country answers from our beauty queens in all its cinematic glory.

For some contrast, let's look at hotties from other countries; They’re smart, funny, smart, witty, ambitious, smart, logical, and did I mention smart? They nearly ALWAYS have a field of endeavor that they excel at. I swear it’s true, look into it.

For instance, I’ll take two women whose names you should undoubtedly be familiar with; say, Anna Kournikova and, oh, Kim Kardashian. Fair enough? Now, I think these two are pretty evenly matched. Both have international notoriety, both are the first result to pop up on Google’s auto complete when you enter their respective first names (hence reasonably equal in popularity), and both have used the fame they’ve attained to essentially “build an empire”. So, how are they any different from each other?
Well, it’s very simple; it comes down to how the world initially got to know their name. One did it by working her ass off and learning to be a tennis player whose talents, while probably not “the BEST” there ever has been, at least got her to a point where SOMEONE noticed that this girl who is really good at tennis also happens to be SMOKING hot. The other? Well she got popular by allowing a video of herself sucking the cock of a total douche bag to make it’s way to the internet, then linking herself to the only little bit of fame that she had, her biological father, Robert Kardashian, who is world renowned for “winning” a court case in victorious fashion to get one of the world’s most obviously guilty double murderers off by “beating” the shittiest prosecution team that the LA district attorney’s office has ever dredged up in Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden.

Do I need to go on? Let’s be serious, this goes on and on and on. Megan Fox? Lindsay Lohan? Are you fucking serious? What “talent” do ANY of these so called hotties possess? Looks? No. Talent? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Nothing, yet Americans continue to put these fucking trolls on a goddamned pedestal because they’re good looking (allegedly).

Now let’s look outside of the good old US of A. How’s about Irina Kalentieva, Brooke Hanson, Kate Hollywood, Tanja Szewczenko, Liu Xuan, or Rita Dravucz? A Russian cyclist, an Australian swimmer, an Australian field hockey Olympian,  a German figure skater and actress, a Chinese gymnast, and a Hungarian water polo Olympian. I would venture a guess that the VAST majority of those who are reading this have never heard of any of those names, but I bet you’d take a second (or third or fourth) look if any one of them was walking down your street. And how did they all get famous? By working their asses off and excelling at something, because THAT’S the un-American way!

The REAL problem is that as long as we continue to prop these shit bag tramps up as something worth looking at/paying attention to, this shit will never end. The best thing I can see happening for this situation is for a drunken Kris Jenner to accidentally run over Mario Lopez (the worst girl in all of television), plowing her and her shitty fake family into the lobby of the Hilton Los Angeles, where Paris Hilton is having a meeting with the desperate housewives of EVERYWHERE, and simultaneously setting fire to a single room containing Tyra Banks, Jenny McCarthy, and Farrah Fawcet.

Americans are quickly becoming the stupidest population in the world. And I don’t just mean the least educated, I mean lacking the most common sense! When Nikola fucking Tesla is virtually unknown, yet Larry the Cable Guy becomes a fucking millionaire by being exactly what other countries think of stereotypical Americans, there’s no hope. Brains don’t mean shit anymore, and it’s going to be a major factor in the dumbing and downfall of this country. If we’re not careful, we’re going to become exactly what the movie “Idiocracy” predicted, and I sincerely hope I die first, or at least before Rosie O’Donnell is deemed worthy of the cover of Maxim…

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