Tuesday, May 8, 2012

American hotties vs hotties from the rest of the known world

Alright folks, so I decided that I’d start the blog up again, because apparently I’m so damn self assured that I think people care to hear what I have to say. That being said, I took a poll to decide what topic to tackle first. The result?  The difference between attractive women in the United States and attractive women in virtually every other country in the world. Now, for anyone who decides to read this and doesn’t really know me too well, I have a less than fantastic mouth, don’t hold back, and just say it as I see it. So if you can’t hang with that, no biggie, just don’t read. So without further a do (yes I know it’s “adieu” but fuck the French), let’s start the show, shall we?

Alright, so here’s the deal with hot girls in the US; THEY’RE FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!! It’s like this; in the beginning, everyone starts out equally, right? What I mean by that is, all babies are fuck ugly. I’m not sorry, that’s the way it is. All newborns look like aliens. ANYWAY, we all start out the same. But then somewhere along the way, the good looking ones of these girls take a look in the mirror, realize “Hey I’m hot, so fuck everything else in life. Who needs math skills when someone will pay me to take pictures of my face/tits/ass/whatever? I’ll just jump on the dick of the first rich dude I meet and be set for life.” And THIS is where we get the God-awful, dumb-as-shit, embarrassing-to-the-entire-country answers from our beauty queens in all its cinematic glory.

For some contrast, let's look at hotties from other countries; They’re smart, funny, smart, witty, ambitious, smart, logical, and did I mention smart? They nearly ALWAYS have a field of endeavor that they excel at. I swear it’s true, look into it.

For instance, I’ll take two women whose names you should undoubtedly be familiar with; say, Anna Kournikova and, oh, Kim Kardashian. Fair enough? Now, I think these two are pretty evenly matched. Both have international notoriety, both are the first result to pop up on Google’s auto complete when you enter their respective first names (hence reasonably equal in popularity), and both have used the fame they’ve attained to essentially “build an empire”. So, how are they any different from each other?
Well, it’s very simple; it comes down to how the world initially got to know their name. One did it by working her ass off and learning to be a tennis player whose talents, while probably not “the BEST” there ever has been, at least got her to a point where SOMEONE noticed that this girl who is really good at tennis also happens to be SMOKING hot. The other? Well she got popular by allowing a video of herself sucking the cock of a total douche bag to make it’s way to the internet, then linking herself to the only little bit of fame that she had, her biological father, Robert Kardashian, who is world renowned for “winning” a court case in victorious fashion to get one of the world’s most obviously guilty double murderers off by “beating” the shittiest prosecution team that the LA district attorney’s office has ever dredged up in Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden.

Do I need to go on? Let’s be serious, this goes on and on and on. Megan Fox? Lindsay Lohan? Are you fucking serious? What “talent” do ANY of these so called hotties possess? Looks? No. Talent? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Nothing, yet Americans continue to put these fucking trolls on a goddamned pedestal because they’re good looking (allegedly).

Now let’s look outside of the good old US of A. How’s about Irina Kalentieva, Brooke Hanson, Kate Hollywood, Tanja Szewczenko, Liu Xuan, or Rita Dravucz? A Russian cyclist, an Australian swimmer, an Australian field hockey Olympian,  a German figure skater and actress, a Chinese gymnast, and a Hungarian water polo Olympian. I would venture a guess that the VAST majority of those who are reading this have never heard of any of those names, but I bet you’d take a second (or third or fourth) look if any one of them was walking down your street. And how did they all get famous? By working their asses off and excelling at something, because THAT’S the un-American way!

The REAL problem is that as long as we continue to prop these shit bag tramps up as something worth looking at/paying attention to, this shit will never end. The best thing I can see happening for this situation is for a drunken Kris Jenner to accidentally run over Mario Lopez (the worst girl in all of television), plowing her and her shitty fake family into the lobby of the Hilton Los Angeles, where Paris Hilton is having a meeting with the desperate housewives of EVERYWHERE, and simultaneously setting fire to a single room containing Tyra Banks, Jenny McCarthy, and Farrah Fawcet.

Americans are quickly becoming the stupidest population in the world. And I don’t just mean the least educated, I mean lacking the most common sense! When Nikola fucking Tesla is virtually unknown, yet Larry the Cable Guy becomes a fucking millionaire by being exactly what other countries think of stereotypical Americans, there’s no hope. Brains don’t mean shit anymore, and it’s going to be a major factor in the dumbing and downfall of this country. If we’re not careful, we’re going to become exactly what the movie “Idiocracy” predicted, and I sincerely hope I die first, or at least before Rosie O’Donnell is deemed worthy of the cover of Maxim…

Friday, January 27, 2012

Alright, so I've decided it's time to start back on this. Here's the catch; I ONLY want to do this when I've been drinking. SSSSOOOOOOOO, there will be no filter on what I say, so if you're not game, THHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWWWW (<----- That's the mouth fart sound), jog on. Cool? Okay, more to come. GO!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Life at the Filmore Lounge...

What the fuck is with people these days, huh? I mean, I don't get it. Why is it that everyone thinks that they know what's the best for everyone else, but rarely are they right? And the type of people that think they know it all generally don't know shit. I mean, if you think you know what's best for someone else, ANYONE else, why don't you stop for a second before you open your mouth, take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself honestly, "Is my life 100% in order in regards to whatever I'm about to open my mouth about?" Because if not, do us all a favor and keep your fucking mouth SHUT.

And another thing, why is it that when the choice comes down to what's good for you and what's right for someone else who you care about, they're NEVER the same thing? And why is it that whenever you see someone you love heading down a road that YOU know is bad fucking news, nothing you can ever say is right, or is good enough to make them stop? Because life is one big fucking joke, and guess what? Your misery is the punch line! So fuck off thinking that you're going to make anyones life any better or that you're going to do anything good for anyone, because I'm going to let you in on a little secret; they don't WANT your help, okay fuck face? Get it through your head. YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE HAPPY, and most people don't want to be happy.

Oh, and here's a little diddy about a man I knew, grew into an asshole and his life went to shit too. (That was a free rhyme for you, you're welcome). What, in the name of God, Allah, Judah, Satan, whomever you worship, makes you think that you can leave my mom, start fucking her so-called "friend", and that suddenly I'm going to be okay with that bitch? I mean, REALLY? Do you EVER see this working out in your favor? Because if you do, do yourself a favor and get that notion out of your head sooner than later, because it's never gonna happen. So stop with the dropping her name into every conversation you have with me, stop with the trying to get me to hang out/vacation with her, stop with the sweet talking the situation about her, and accept the fact that as long as you're with that bitch, I'll have very little to do with you and less than nothing to do with her. Got it?

And while we're on the subject of useless fucking idiots, how do you go for 3+ months without being employed, sleeping 18-22 hours a day, and still survive? How do you feel even the least bit like a man when you're living with your mom at 24 years old but doing NOTHING to help her out and NOTHING around her house and bringing NOTHING to the table in the situation? I mean, she works 45+ hours a week to keep a roof over your head, and when she asks the smallest little thing, like you taking the trash out or cleaning off the plate you used to eat the food that SHE bought AND cooked for you, you throw a Goddamned hissy fit. She does all the housework with help only from the other 2 people in the house, both of whom have full time work and/or school, while you do NOTHING but sit on the couch or lay in your bed ALL DAY LONG! How the fuck do you even justify your existence? The fact that your mother is a saint and will never throw your ass out, or at least force you to either step up or fuck off, is the classic "enabler" for your useless fucking lifestyle. Why don't you man up, stop being such a selfish asshole, and start carrying some fucking weight around here, huh? I'll tell you why, because a little effort is just too Goddamned much to ask of someone whose mother and girlfriend keep giving and giving and giving without ever making you give anything in return.

People these days make me fucking sick. The lack of respect, devotion, love, character, and selflessness (among many other traits of decent human beings) is appalling. I don't stand blameless by any means, but I sure as shit don't sit around and expect anyone else to carry my weight, do my work, play my part, or deal with my selfish bullshit. The most incredibly fucked up thing about all of this is that nothing I can do will change them, and if the trend continues in the same fashion that it has in the past, the worst is yet to come.

Friday, April 10, 2009

An update

So not much is new here. This past Monday I had a partial ankle replacement surgery, which isn't turning out to be very much fun. I'm still dating Falon and loving time with her and Averie, I'm super stoked that baseball season is finally here, and that's about it.

Friday, February 6, 2009


I got new pants right before this trip. I heart them.
Sun just came up, and it's time to ride! (After almost 2 hours of breakfast, talkin trash, and gettin the kids ready.) That's my baby in the back. #13 baby!

Headin out! Mine and Wes' bikes in the background.

The toys. Give respect to the '83 ATC 250R. Old school baby!

I went last weekend. My first trip this season. The conditions were as follow;

Sand: Soft and shitty.
Wind: Present and accounted for.
Kyle's bike: Awesome.
Kyle's cardio: A bigger joke than your face.

All in all, it was a fun day trip. I just have a few pics. I TRIED to get a picture of the drug dog searching my car inside and out at the Border Patrol checkpoint, but they took my phone before I could snap it off... Damnit.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Did you know that excessive smiling can make your face hurt?

I ran into my old girlfriend from high school about a month ago after 6+ years of hating each other. I have no idea why, buy my first instinct was to give her the biggest hug I could. We talked about things and burried a lot of hatchets that night, and have been talking here and there ever since. Last weekend we went snowboarding. I had THE MOST fun weekend of my life as far back as I can remember, but was afraid to tell her that because I didn't want to freak her out. So when she told me the EXACT same thing, I knew I should've told her earlier. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know I have a blog. Let's keep it that way, okay folks? I don't know where this will or won't go, but no matter how it plays out, I'm so glad to have her back in my life. I was starting to forget what it's like to have friends who REALLY care around me...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Hey folks. It's been a while. Those of you who know me, know that I'm a huge animal lover, and hate, HATE to see anything happen to them, especially dogs. So I'm asking for your help in that area, and fast!

Meet Lexus. She's a 2.5 year old red-nosed pitbull. She's spayed, all of her shots are current, is as gentle as can be, loves kids, and she needs a GOOD, LOVING home, ASAP!

She belongs to one of my oldest friends. Unfortunately my friend is going through a divorce right now, and because of that, she and her daughter are not able to take Lex with them to their new place. She HAD someone lined up to take her, but tonight, LITERALLY at the last minute, they decided they couldn't take her and backed out. So now we've got til tomorrow to find her a home! We've called the pound, shelters, rescues, etc, but apparently with the economy, people are bailing on their pets left and right, so NONE of them are taking any dogs right now. It's a pretty sad situation. She's not looking to make any money here or anything like that, just the assurance that Lexus will go to a good home where she is loved and treated like a part of the family.If any of you want her, or know anyone who does, PLEASE let me know ASAP! You can message me on here, or email me at kyleinreallife@gmail.com. PLEASE help if you can. I mean, "Tis the season", ya? Thanks for taking the time to read this everyone.